i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
