Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
