Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
