thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
