i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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