you're like a bully in the Christmas story
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
