Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
