Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
