I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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