What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
