when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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