i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
