i think my mom watched the whole time
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
