How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
