His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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