my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
