I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
