My liver just broke up with me...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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