too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
