In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
