I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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