Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
