i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize