honey bunches of taint.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
