It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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