matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
