im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
