I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
