I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
