So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
