Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
