He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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