She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
