so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
