Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I currently don't understand fingers.
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