dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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