I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She's the barista slut.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
