He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I need a beard to bite.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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