mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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