i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
