My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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