I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
