a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize