as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
cat food counts as protein by the way
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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