Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
