I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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