If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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