Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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