im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
