omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
