Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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