he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
