Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
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I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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