im having a threesome with these popsicles
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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