you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
