I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Randomize
