Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
