i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
