i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
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I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
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He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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