They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
