Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
