I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
