Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
