i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
