Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize