I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
