No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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