thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I am available for nakedness
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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