I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
