I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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