I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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